Allow me to catch you up.
So this hedge fund called Melvin Capital wrote out some douchey article about how the smart investment move would be to short-sell GameStop stock. To put it simply, short-selling is essentially gambling that a stock’s price will drop. If it does, you make money. If it doesn’t, you end up paying out money for however much it goes up.
Well, this little article that Melvin wrote pissed off a dark, dank corner of the internet called Wall Street Bets. WSB is a hive of Ritalin-addled lunatics who treat the stock market like a f&$^÷&g casino. These dudes will regularly gamble their life-savings on a single trade. It’s a glorious thing to watch.
The WSB crew has a weird fascination with certain stocks. They call them “meme stocks.” Tesla is one, AMD is another, and GameStop, arguably, is the most weirdly beloved meme stock. So for reasons that make sense only to the degenerates on WSB, Melvin trying to short-sell their meme was a declaration of war.
Yes, this is dumb. But it gets so f$*$<÷;# hilarious.
WSB decided to do a “short squeeze.” This is when you see people trying to short a stock, so you buy up that stock, and you get a bunch of other people to buy up that stock. With each purchase the price actually goes up. Since Melvin was trying to short the stock at a price of $20 per share, WSB wanted to get it as high above that price as humanly possible.
They got it up to $200 per share.
This means Melvin has to cover over $180 per share they bought. This came out to billions. F*$;÷[÷;#. Billions.
Melvin Capital, over night, was suddenly facing bankruptcy. Think about that. A bunch of self-identified degenerates on a f%#*$/g website were able to tank a f%#&=ng hedge fund. That’s hilarious.
Well, the rich and powerful don’t like seeing us plebeians f&%#<ng with one of their own. So Point72, another hedge fund, teamed up with a few other little funds, and they injected around THREE BILLION into Melvin Capital to keep them from spiraling. Essentially this meant the billionaire hedge fund crew were banding together to fight back against Wall Street Bets. And WSB just said “okay, no problem.”
Today the stock for GameStop is at $320 per share.
Melvin Capital lost all of that three billion they were given. It’s gone. They’re still f%#*=d. Point72 gave a little over a billion of that injection, and that means that fund dropped from 17 billion to 16 billion. That means in less than 24 hours WSB managed to all but ensure one hedge fund will die and drop the value of another by 6% so far.
And remember, WSB are just a bunch of jackasses on the internet. They aren’t hedge fund guys, they aren’t millionaires or billionaires. This is literally being done by morons with a phone app coordinating to ruin billionaires’ lives because they can.
What we’re watching here with GameStop stocks is a bunch of rich people who are getting f$&$^÷ng wrecked, purely for entertainment, by the kind of middle-class and poor people they regularly lobby against and treat like this. This “eat the rich” via phone app. It’s “damn the man” with a meme-stock.
It’s f%*$<$g beautiful.
And because whoever is writing our reality lost all sense of subtlety after 2020, the icing on the cake is that the app the WSB crew are using to pull this off is a stock-trading app called Robin Hood. Yeah, as in steal from the rich and all that jazz.
2021 going to be lit🔥
Ordering a Pizza in 2021
CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How the hell do you know that?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at CVS Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!
GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
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