My Gay as F' Christmas Story, (inspired by the phony lying rat bastard phact checkers)
I might rename it, "Let's Be Happy, Lets be Gay, Cuz Today is Christmas Day," because I wouldn't want to offend those commie c*ck suckers who check phacts. No, no, no. Not me.
It all started with a quote from Hitler that I forwarded on FB about taking freedoms away little by little and bit by bit until you don't notice it's all gone. The phact checkers who check facts seemed to take offense to it being attributed to Hitler or something. Wanted to gimmee 30 days of boooollshit, when it was their own booollshit from their own boooollshit site. In their defense, I'm sure people like them want to keep Hitler's messages pure, cuz they're phact checkers who check phacts.
So here it is, adopted from decades ago and made more progressive for the FB phact checkers who check phacts. It's about a Gay Flea Circus, told decades ago by an old Southern fat dude who probably wasn't gay, but he did seem happy.
One day, a man wanted to open a Gay Flea Circus for Christmas and make a little chump change on the side. Now I'm not saying the guy was gay, and I'm not saying he wasn't. But the fleas were pretty gay. Some were absolutely gay as F', while some were just a little bit gay I guess, while even other fleas were probably transgender or some kind of mix of whatever the F' flea pronoun of the day. Now I'm not expert on fleas and I'm sure not an expert on gays, but all-in all, it was an obviously Gay Flea Circus - cuz they were gay.
But the man had trouble controlling all his gay fleas and keeping them from jumping around and escaping. Christmas was approaching and he needed a solution to this rampaging gay flea problem. A flea can jump about 200 times its own body length. That's pretty high, and I bet they can do better than that, especially when they have a bunch of gay fleas tryina do them in the butt all the time. Don't lie, you would too. This is serious.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't care what a flea puts where. I don't even wanna hear about it. Just stay away from the dang flea kids you sick twisted flea bastards.
So, in preparation for the big day he built himself a gay flea Ferris wheel and a gay flea carousel and all kinds of gay things like that. He was even building a little tiny gay Santa Sleigh for his gay fleas. Then he'd bring his fleas in, thinking they would be happy as all kinda F's in their little Gay Flea Circus playground. But no. Sadly, as soon as he brought them in, they'd jump around and escape.
He thought maybe he'd get them more accustomed to the surroundings, and maybe that would make them stay and make them happy and gay. So he put them in a jar and put the lid on it and put the jar in the middle of his little Gay Flea Circus. Hey, he wasn't tryina be mean or anything and it's not like they needed to get way or out at night to go have gay sex or anything. Everything was provided. He was kind of a humanitarian, except for gay fleas.
He'd walk by now and then, looking in at the fleas, thinking how close Christmas was coming. One day, in frustration, he shook the jar, making the fleas jump and scramble around. Then he'd start on another project, like a gay swing set or something, and now and then he'd give the jar another shake.
After days of this, that's when he noticed. The fleas stopped jumping so high when the lid was on. They would only jump as high as just below the lid of the jar, that way, they would not bump their gay little heads on the lid of the jar. He shook it over and over again, and the fleas stopped hitting the top of the jar at all.
His Gay Flea Circus construction was finally complete and Christmas was almost there. He took off the top of the jar, slowly and carefully, and watched in amazement as the fleas would only leap to the height of the jar, and not one would jump out. He had trained his fleas to only jump as high as he'd wanted them to, and for the rest of their gay flea lives, they never jumped any higher than that.
Attempts to leap higher, they know, would mean a bump on their heads. So they stopped trying. Just like a fact checker does to you. Just like in life. Don't let a little knock on the head stop you.
Don't get flea trained by commie c*ck suckers pretending to check facts.
Check them phacts you phony lying phact checkers.
Merry Christmas. #the End
