I took a half a bottle of children's vitamins because they tasted good. I was young when I had my first drink, it was whiskey and kool-aid. We would put water back in the bottle so our parents wouldn't know. I was in the 12th grade when I really started drinking. I switched from beer and ended up drinking wine. My first time of smoking a joint was a whole one by myself. I remember the high and the laughter that it gave me. After that I got introduced to speed, cocaine and acid.
At the last in 1984, I would start my day off with a half a joint, a hit of speed and a couple of lines of cocaine. After that put on my make-up, no telling what I looked like. All my friends were deserting me becuase I had such a negative attitude. I wasn't a person that anyone wanted to be around. I ended my night the same way. so I didn't get much sleep.
When all my friends deserted me, I wanted to kill myself, took 4 Darvons trying to.
I rember crying out to God, please help me. A week later I was in the treatment center. At that time I got introduced to AA meetings. I didn't know that the meetings were AA, if I would have known I would of said no way. Growing up my meemaw drank and did drugs, when I found out I hated her. I started blaming her for all my mom's heart problems.
One day I got in my car and just started driving, I had my pot with me, the urge wasn't there anymore. My last drunk and high was on a Saturday night when I went to a party. The guilt, remorse and the hate that I felt for myself was so strong. The 4 headed horsemen showed up.
When I couldn't afford drugs anymore, my first thought was I'll go to alcohol, it's cheaper. The insanity was that I even thought about selling my car in order to buy more drugs and alcohol. I finally got up the nerve before work to talk to the nurse at work. I told her that I had a problem with drugs and that I could handle it on my own. She said that sometimes you couldn't do it on your own. I went in the Care Unit for a 28 day program, it turned out to be 60 days. I had a psychotic break and ended up on the psych ward. My doctor told me a year later that he didn't think I would pull out of it.
